“I DON’T CARE!” I scream at Yoseob, we’d been fighting more and more, it happening in front of people; our ‘perfect’ relationship is falling apart right in front of us.
Shouting back to match me he yells. “Then go; IF I MAKE YOU SO UNHAPPY!”
Blinking tears back I walk into the room I share with him and Ki Kwang and gather my things in my suit cases that had become permanent fixtures to the room.
Rolling out of the room Yoseob’s face falls. “Don’t you dare make that face at me, aren’t you the one that said to leave?” I whisper walking past him and the other members in the living room sitting silently pretending not to have heard.
As the doors shut to the elevator I let the tears I’d been holding back fall.”Stupid, stupid, stupid!” I mutter in English. “How could I be so ignorant?!” I scold myself bitterly.
Quickly leaving in the car I’d came in, I head home to the apartment. Upon running into the lobby, and into the elevator, I try wiping the tears away, I try to say it doesn’t matter, I didn’t love him, but I knew I was lying.
After running down the hall and quickly unlocking the door to the loft I share with the other girls in Masquerading Hope, I walk along the halls, the normally lively and exciting place filled with our laughter, but not today, not for a long time.
Ever since Yoseob and I started to fight, we all became distant, laughing and joking became nonexistent in our home, now we spend as much time apart as possible.
Putting my suit case under my bed, I grab a change of clothes and head to the one place still unspoiled for me: the dance studio.
Quickly touching my make-up up I leave to get out all my anger, sadness to cheer up.
Beginning the dance for our next show I quickly lose track of time.
“We saw the suit case when we got home.” Chin-sun says stopping the music.
I turn to look at her, wiping my sweat with my arm, getting my sweat dripping off my face even faster. They toss me a towel. “What happened?” Ae-chan asks me earnestly.
I look at the five girls in front of me, my best friends, the only real constant thing in my life now. “Yoseob told me we to leave if I was unhappy, so I did.” I whisper letting a few tears fall.
“Obviously it didn’t if you’ve been here as long as we think!” Dae tries to reason with me.
Shaking my head I answer her. “Guys, we needed some time anyways.” I whisper, my voice cracking. “It’s for the best.” I finish.
Not buying it the girls walk over to me sitting me down. “You’re amazing, and funny, and extremely intelligent, despite all the wrong choices you might have taken, you’ve gotten this far. You came here to Korea, not only do you make it on the first cut, three days of being in Korea, but you helped us make it. Olivia, you’re talented, and a great friend and I’ll admit we haven’t been getting along but we can all see how much you love him.” Cho says holding my shoulders.
Listening my body turns numb. “Obby, you’re one of my best friends, you’re always there, and you always drop what you’re doing for anyone of us. Maybe though, you should drop the ball and let Yoseob in.” Eun-Ju says gently.
Feeling the tears fall I stand up, quickly wiping them away. “I can’t.” I whisper walking out of the room.
“I just can’t.” I mutter walking down the hall to grab water.
“Olivia!”
Hearing the voice makes me freeze, I couldn’t turn around, and I didn’t want to face him.
“Just hear me out.” Yoseob whispers from behind me. “Please.”
Unable to move I force myself to say, “Just for a little while.”
“Olivia, I didn’t mean for you to leave, I want you to stay.” I know he’s fiddling with his shirt; he does it when he gets nervous. “I was just upset, we both were, and still are. I don’t want you out of my life. You gave me so much and I was greedy to take and to take, but now all I want is for you to be honest with me. Do you really want me out of your life?” He finishes his rant with his voice getting weaker by the moment.
“Yoseob,” I whisper to be honest I don’t know what I want or even need, my life isn’t exactly orderly. “I need some time.” I finally say. “Just let me figure this out.”
Quietly I hear him say. “Oh, alright you know where to find me.”
Hearing him saying that broke my heart, letting him walk away completely shattered me, without looking back I go to the locker room to change.
Once inside I lock the door making it to the benches before I let out all my sadness I couldn’t let go of.
“Why?” I murmur, I’ve never known a pain like this, I’ve never known a love like him.
After a while, I wipe my tears away taking a shower and changing into my clothes, I unlock the door and come face to face with Dae.
“You let him walk away.” She says sadly. “He loves you, and you let him go, you love him.”
Walking past her I softly tell her that she’s right before going down the stairs, walking faster by their practice room.
“OLIVIA!” Stopping mid-step I hear him again.
Turning slowly I see Yoseob rushing down the stairs to me. “I don’t understand.”
Turning away from him I shrug my shoulders knowing, if I say one word I’ll break down right in front of him.
“You tell me you need time, and I’ll give it to you, but I walked away and you did too, but you never look back. I love you and you won’t even nod your head!” He rants.
Listening to it, I let tears fall while I’m not facing him.
“You don’t love me, that’s fine, but can’t you even acknowledge my feelings?!” He whispers in despair. “I love you so much and it hurts me to know you don’t even care.”
Turning to face him, his facial expression changes completely after seeing my tear streaked face. “Don’t go putting words in my mouth.” I tell him walking away. “Yoseob, I never said what I felt because I’m too scared to know the truth.”
“What does that mean, you run and run and never let anyone in.” Frustrated he runs down the steps. “I try and try to get you to even tell me but you shut down.”
“Yoseob, I’m in love with you, and I can’t tell you with words, but I’m sorry.” I whisper running out the door into the streets to the car.
“WAIT!" Yoseob calls following grabbing my wrist, then pulling my close. "Don't you ever get tired of running, cause you should know I'll always chase you just like I always have."
My lip quivering, tears falling I answer him. "Its all I've know for such a long time, but Yoseob I do love you." Imurmurinto his chest as he strokes my hair.
"And I love you, so much." He whispers into my ear. "I have for such a long time."
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